Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Now that I am getting married, I am scared of sacrificing my "Alone" time

I know that I am getting married in a couple of months. There is something I am not sure of and I would like to ask about. You see, I am a very independent woman. I grew up as an only child for a long time. My sister is 15 years younger. I have always learnt to be alone and I enjoy my company a lot. I like to stay in my room and think about a lot of things. Now my fiance is someone who loves to be with me. He is always hovering around me, even suffocating me with attention. His love language is a combination of Physical Touch and Quality Time. (Check 5 love languages - Gary Chapman)

Now I am scared if I would still have time for myself and if I can reciprocate with the same love language. I love him and I don't want to scare him.

This is one of the questions from I got at a Premarital Counselling session recently.

This was my answer....

Now one thing that you must give up is spending a lot of time with yourself. No, not completely; but you have to reduce the "me" time drastically. There is nothing wrong with spending time alone but now that you are going to into marriage, you need to share that space with someone else. It is part of the sacrifice for the sake of love. Your husband and children will want to spend quality time with you and you must be ready for this.

However, you can manage this by discussing with your fiance and making him understand that you need some time for yourself too. I am sure he will understand.

Stephen Covey says one of the seven habits of highly effective people is sharpening the saw. According to him, to sharpen the saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have--you. It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. You increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you. Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. As you renew yourself, you create growth and change in your life.

Communication is key.

With a thorough understanding of this, there will be no issue if you want to travel alone when married because you need to be alone. 

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