Tuesday, June 3, 2014

10 things to note during a christian courtship before you say "I Do"

Before I list the 10 things to note during  Christian courtship, let me put this in the proper perspective by giving a definition of Christian courtship.

Christian courtship is the process of getting to know a member of the opposite sex that you have identified as a partner to marry. It also refers to that defined period for both parties to understand themselves.

I will advise that both parties enter into a courtship period of about a year. If less than one year, it might not give both parties adequate time to know each other. However, a period more than one or two years increases the tendency for premarital sex, among other things. Please note that an exception to this rule is a situation when one or both parties is/are still in school.

Here are the 10 things to note:

  1. Spend time to pray together. Intending couples should set aside time to pray together. Prayer is very critical and making God the centre of your relationship is very crucial. Both parties should understand the spiritual essence of marriage and how they can allow God to be in charge during their courtship. The devil will always want to fight everything that comes from God. So prepare spiritually.
  2. Share your likes and dislikes. The period of courtship is not the time to hide your likes and dislikes. Tolerating the other person's habits that you don't like without discussing with him/her until after marriage might be fuel for issues.
  3. Share significant life experiences. Take time to discuss the important experiences from your past. This will help the other party appreciate and have a better understanding of you.
  4. Disclose all medical ailments that might affect the courtship leading to marriage. Granted that some people might be tempted to cover some medical issues as they think it might affect the chances of getting married. Experience has shown that it is better disclosed before marriage. Tests to know the HIV, Genotype should be done to ensure both parties know what they are entering into. If not disclosed, it might be grounds for annulment of a marriage in some cases.
  5. Discuss your expectations of one another. A woman should write down and discuss her expectations of the man she intends to marry as a husband, lover, friend, father of her children and the head of her house. The man should do the same too. He should share his expectations of a wife, lover, friend, mother of her children and helpmate. A knowledge of these expectations by both parties would go a long way to prepare them for what they want to get into. This should include careers, number of children and ....more
  6. Share Life visions and dreams. Everyone has goals and aspirations. The fact that you are getting married does not mean that one's goals and aspirations must die. The courtship period is a time to share your visions, dreams, goals and aspirations. Discuss and see if they are compatible and discuss on how they can be accommodated within the upcoming marriage
  7. Do NOT visit your partner late in the night alone. It will increase the possibility of indulging in premarital sex.
  8. Do NOT intentionally do things to excite your partner sexually. Watch your dressing. This refers specifically to the women. Do not be scantily clad to excite your male partner. Understand that men are easily aroused when they see women dressed in certain ways. Do not say that you are entitled to wear what you want and that the man must be strong to resist the urge/temptation. Dress moderately.
  9. Do NOT indulge in premarital sex. No matter the situation, both parties should not have premarital sex. Sex is not just a physical activity, it is a spiritual activity. It is meant to be for married couples. DO not be deceived to think there is nothing wrong since both of you love yourselves and you are sure that you will get married. Please note that nothing is certain until the ring is put on your finger in public declaration.
  10. Finally note that Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Do not think that marriage is trial and error. Trial and error is a fundamental method of solving problems. It is characterised by repeated, varied attempts which are continued until success, or until the agent stops trying. Note that you must work hard to make your marriage succeed. It takes sacrifice, patience and love. Know that if you work hard, you will receive the joyful rewards.


  1. This is nothing but the truth. Those with ears, let them hear.

  2. Thanks,very insightful...

  3. Thanks....really deep


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