Monday, June 30, 2014

Tips On How To Get Past Your Insecurities and Love Right

Perfect is only in our dreams and to each one of us, love holds different and separate meanings. Loving another and allowing them into our lives while giving them the power to see us at our most vulnerable periods and hoping they don’t abuse the power can be ranked with the highest expression of faith.

Much as love has been termed the best feeling and many people have said and highlighted how much it needs trust to thrive, most people are silently suffering because of the baggage of the past. Stepping outside all that has happened and loving another with no holds back is like a dream. The nightmares of a cheating partner haunts and taunt them. The thought of a terrible uncle slipping into their beds at the dead of night and his slimy body makes it hard to trust another man.

To them, love is suspect and control is the weapon. Hiding behind their insecurities and building bricks that they hope keeps them safe from getting hurt is very primal. I know a few people that can relate with this. Girls that excuse all their partners’ excesses because they are scared he might beat them like their ex or men that are quick to use their fists because they are still hurting from the deceit of the ladies they were with before. Everyday is like going round and round a circle and efforts get frustrated for lack of trust rooted in great insecurities.


Whatever the case might be, Some things are constant when people don’t heal from their pasts before moving into new relationships: the new relationship is bound to suffer and innocent persons suffer from sins they didn't commit.

Like I said earlier, baggage are of different kinds, it could stem from an abusive childhood to lover’s betrayals, but  whatever your baggage might be, you deserve to love and be loved back. If you are in a relationship or about to enter one and find that you fall in the category described above, then, you need to heal by doing the things highlighted below.

  • Tell yourself the truth. The worst thing one can do to oneself is lying to oneself about the state of things. If you are insecure, accept to yourself that you are. This way you can move on to finding the solution to the problem you have.


  • Having recognized the roots of your insecurity or problem, you need to take conscious steps to forgive whoever or whatever the cause is so as to be able to move on. Forgiving the past is a great therapy in order to move on; forgive whoever or whatever in order to declutter your mind. Understand it is not your fault that you got hurt so stop blaming yourself for another person’s mistake. Move from the hurt and anger by making conscious decisions to stop hurting. You are yourself’s greatest cheerleader. Don’t deny yourself the chance to be truly happy.


  • Baggage or no baggage, loving another is a leap of faith, everyone deserves a chance to be treated based on who they truly are. Give those coming into your lives this chance. Don’t hold back because of something someone else has done. Imagine what would have happened if you were to be judged by another person’s wrongdoings. Just keep a positive outlook. Trust me there are still lots of good people in the world.


  • Don’t try to take control. This makes you look sick and like a freak. You might inflict the same pain you suffered on somebody else and it all just keeps going around in circles. Just allow your heart love and let the emotions show. Don’t become a terrible schemer and manipulator because of what happened in the past.


  • Let Jesus be your inspiration for love. He showed us undiluted and undeserved love. For every time we err, we are guaranteed of His forgiveness not because our sins don’t hurt him but because he not only understands what love is about but he is love in himself.

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