Friday, July 26, 2013

The Five Love Languages - A review

This is one of the most intellectually sound books ever written for couples, by one of the greatest marriage counselors (or shall I say consultants?) of our time.

If you communicate love one way, but your spouse receives and feels loved in a completely opposite way there are likely to be many misunderstandings and hurt feelings between you. He always tells you how pretty you are and how he loves the way you think, but you feel more loved when he gets you a gift. So, he feels he is showing you love, but you don’t feel much love at all. It could be vice versa; you think that spending time with him will make him feel loved but he prefers words of affirmation. 

The 5 Love Languages® are broken down into the following categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. It can take time to figure out what your own love language is and what your spouse’s is. And even when you know, it can also take practice to use the love languages.

I discovered my love language was acts of service. If my husband did something kind for me it would linger on in my mind much longer than if he bought me a gift or complemented me. If I was really tired and I got into the kitchen and found out he had washed the dishes or done the laundry I would feel so loved. The problem was, I would always go with “ love others as you love yourself” but he didn’t really appreciate being loved that way as much as I did. 

Realistically speaking, all of the love languages are important at different times. For example, receiving gifts isn’t top on my list but if I didn't get a gift on my birthday I would be upset. And while verbal affirmation isn’t top on my list either, it sure means a lot when I’m all dressed up for an outing and he tells me I'm beautiful. The importance of each love language can move around on your list but we all have one or more that is continually most important to us.

Take some time to think about what is important to you and to identify your spouse's love language as well. Talk about it, get on the same page and learn how to use the love languages to regularly honor and bless your spouse. I suggest couples read this during courtship in order to understand how to please each other more after marriage.

By Ijeoma Olujekun

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