Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Learn to LOVE the OTHER Woman in YOUR man's life

You were walking down the street to the bus stop on that fateful day, he drove past, hit the brakes, reversed and tried to talk to you. You did not glance at him for one second, you are definitely not going to be treated like a ride for the night. He parked his car, walked up to you and managed to get your number. Fast-forward>>>> Months later, you are madly in love. When you least expect it, he goes on one knee and pops the question you've always wanted to hear. It is magical, the best moment of your life yet and you can't wait to start planning your big day. Then it hits you; there is another woman in his life and she is not exactly the type that has any plans of disappearing or letting her strings on 'her man' too loose too soon.....She's called the Mother-in-law.

She may be the type that scrutinizes your every move and assesses your culinary skills whenever she comes to visit or you may lucky to have the type that barely comes to visit because she is busy travelling around the world with HER MAN and really has no time to keep tabs on yours. Whatever the case, mothers-in-law can either be a joy or a nightmare but believe me when I say the ball is in your court.

No one should expect you to fall in love with your mother-in-law at first sight. It is almost impossible! She was never a part of your life until you decided to marry her son, she wasn't there when you took your first steps, when you went off to college, you had no idea you'd meet her, when you were down and blue, she was nowhere close by so it is understandable that you may have your reservations the first time. While she might be scrutinizing you for faults, you are scrutinizing her for weak spots that you can take advantage of in order to get into her good books.

Sometimes, loving your mother-in-law needs a little more effort than necessary. She might be cynical, critical and downright annoying but pay no attention to that. Your marriage should not be a power tussle between you and her. Instead of drawing the battle line, fill your marriage with hugs and kisses! Yes, some mothers-in-law are difficult to live with, which is why you should not live with her and you should make your husband understand this! When she comes to visit however, warmth and a nice home-cooked meal can go  a long way. She might wrinkle her nose and tell you the chicken could have stayed in the oven longer, the stew is not spicy enough or the chilli flakes in your tacos will hurt her son's health. Bear it with a smile and ask for her recipes rather than throw a tantrum. Remember, she may not consider you good enough for her son,
(when you have your son, you'll understand why some mothers tend to feel this way, even if the wife is an angel created specially for their son) but always show her the love and respect she deserves.

I told a friend of mine recently that I do not want a mother-in-law, I want another mother. Give her the same level of respect you'd give your mother, pray with her, let her say grace at the dinner table when she is spending some time with you and of course, shower her with gifts you can afford (I am yet to meet anyone that hates someone bearing gifts, warmth and joy). Your husband can leave his father and mother and cleave to you all he wants but remember his mother is a part of him! If you love him, learn to love her too. Love trumps hate any day, any time!

This post is directed at brides, brides-to-be and hopeful brides-to-be. Dear mother-in-law, I am working on a post for you *wink* xoxo

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