Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Getting Him To Appreciate You

I just let go of the help I had at the house. Irreconcilable differences capture the essence of arriving at that decision. Truth be told it has been kind of hard adjusting to juggling house chores with other errands. To compound the situation, we have plumbing issues that has to wait till the weekend to get fixed which means I also have to worry about getting water in the house. I am in a constant state of fatigue and atimes it is a wonder that I wake up the next day energized and ready to take the world again.

I try to suppress my lawyerly attitude and the temptation to always expect for my husband to put in equal or even more effort than I put in keeping the house together. I have accepted a number of times to being guilty of being locked up in a fantasy world. I stay very well in the ideal of ‘what ought to be’ zone. But even when I am being reasonable with my expectations, I still feel I don’t get enough ‘thank you’s for the things I get done around the house. Men can be really lazy when it comes to doing chores, imagine my irritation when I am cooking and cleaning and my husband tells me our daughter needs a diaper change.

In situations such as this, it is almost natural to resort to nagging but one has to consciously avoid it because it doesn’t solve the problem. So, instead of getting upset I set off on finding ways of making my husband more helpful and for him to be more appreciative of my efforts.

I read different literature on how to keep things balanced on the homefront in order not to put stress on the relationship one shares with one’s partner. I tried some of the tips and it definitely worked. I also made some discovery along the way that I would love to share with you

Stop nagging. First, I consciously tried not to nag about his little or lack of contribution.

Tell him. I also knew I had to stop assuming he ought to be sensitive enough to know somethings so, I got him more involved by using polite words heavily dotted with lots of thank yous because the goal was for him to be able to do the same for is a gradual process but I must confess he is way better than he used to be. I also discovered he took on more chores even without asking him too and he gives me the thumbs up more often these days.

Don’t compare him with others.
I also learnt on this journey of getting him to appreciate me more that it wasn’t going to do either of us any good if I compared him with other men. Do bear in mind when next Mrs X shares with you, the story of how great a cook Mr X is that everybody is not the same and same shouldn’t be expected of everybody.

Be reasonable. You might be one of the lucky ones that married a domesticated husband but not everyone, if you fall in the majority, then , you will fare better to have a reasonable expectation. Being in a marriage is not a battle of the sexes or a ground for championing the cause of feminism and advocacy for equality. Just do your bit without weighing it on some kind of gender scale.

Like they say, marriage is a continuous work. The key thing is for you to work consciously on becoming better than you were the day before.

God bless.

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