Wednesday, December 10, 2014

All My Single Ladies! Getting Him to Pop the Question( THE DON'TS)

Often times, I have heard ladies speak of meeting that special one and getting him hooked forever.  Oh Lord! If only this one will stay some exclaim. Is it something I am doing wrongly? Some ask.

I cooked, cleaned and made myself available in every way but he still dumped me and married some other girl.

What can I do?

Sis, I understand your plight, trust me I really do. I was advising a friend a while ago and I made a representation with our growth as humans. Relationships are in stages and while I understand a grown lady’s eagerness to settle, one needs to understand what is needed at every stage. Don’t be in so much hurry that you mess things up.

So, I am going to share my two cents with you on what you might be doing wrongly .

-Don’t scare him away by telling him all you want in a husband on the very first date. That is just too much girl. You don’t want to be perceived as desperate. Get to know him. Enjoy the food, chat about your interests. There is ample time to tell him everything else in subsequent dates. The first date is about making an impression and you don’t want him to perceive you as desperate.

-My dear, please don’t assume where you are in a relationship. Let it be defined. By all means, ask him what you are to him if you are not sure. Men can be undecided atimes, don’t be caught up in that web of indecision while your heart is getting toyed with. Let him put a name to it or just keep walking.

-Don’t be so needy. Emotionally or materially. It is alright to let a man know how much he means to you. However, don’t call him in the middle of a meeting, threatening suicide if he doesn’t come see you immediately. Or asking a freshly employed man to get you an iphone 6 for your birthday. Be reasonable please.

-Leave some things to wonder. Stay in his thoughts for all the right reasons. Most men love when they put in work. Some people are lucky to be married to a man they had sex with on the first date but this is a small percentage compared to the large population. Fornication is a sin but more so, it is God’s way of looking out for our hearts. You would agree it is easier to move on when you are not getting all muddled up in a sexual mess. Prepare him to have things to look up to. Let him feel like he put in work. Don’t be so easy my dear. Most guys take this into consideration (most of the ones I asked).

-Don’t turn yourself to a maid because you are trying to show your domestic skills. A man once said he didn’t marry his girlfriend of many years because he didn’t see why he should. They were staying together and she does everything a wife does. Marrying her according to him was just formalities. There was another time I was listening to the radio and a woman shared her story that she had been living with a man for the past 12 years and he still hasn’t married her after three kids together because according to him he is not sure she is the one. You need to understand where you stand in a man’s life, don’t do some things out of desperation for his attention. Displaying your sexual and domestic skills doesn’t guarantee commitment. Let him come to the understanding that you are indeed a price so he can treat you so.

-Please don’t try to manipulate him. If he loves you, let him come to a decision by himself. If he can’t make that decision and you feel you can’t wait, then keep walking. Trust me, there is someone tailor-made for you.

So, be yourself.
 Enjoy life.
 Have fun getting to know the other person.
Nurture the relationship.
Don’t be playing wife roles when you are just friends.
That knight in shining armor knows he will be wrong if he doesn’t sweep you off your feet.
Don’t let the pressure get to you dear, you are more in control of your life than you know. Having a man in your life doesn’t validate you.
Above all, Prayerfully ask God for guidance in taking decisions. You don’t want to embark on that serious journey without directions from the One that knows all.
Stay blessed.

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