Choosing The One: Of Heights, Looks and Other Frivolities

Cream coloured drapes complimented the light brown walls of the one room apartment that used to be my room when I was in the university. With my own kitchen and bathroom enclosed, it was the haven most students desired. A number of my friends would come visiting and we would talk about everything from politics to celebrity news. We knew there was a life after school but something must have made us feel the years wouldn’t pass by so quickly. Our primary worry was our CGPAs and once that was covered, our lives were very well centered around mundane things like who was dating who or who looked hotter in what dress. Our chatters could have rivalled any well scripted TV show because there were no bars to how far our mouths and thoughts ran.  The topics moved fast and you’d be surprised at some of the opinions we aired.

When the topic was on relationship and what to look for in a future partner, we all echoed almost same things. Tall, dark, of certain height(most women are guilty of this actually), great jawline and all other silly things we could think of, movies and novels must have fed our imaginations. Our dream partner’s character was never really up for discussion, apparently the person’s character didn’t matter in those thoughtless banters we had.

 How naïve we were!

 We must have thought marriage was an institution so shallow that only physically endowed people had a chance at.

 We have since matured and some of us are married now but lately I have had to ponder on our very shallow definition of love and beauty.

Beauty is actually skin deep. By now you need no soothsayer to tell you that you might be making a wrong choice if you don’t look deeper than well rounded butts or what have you in choosing a life partner. Life comes at us with so many challenges that need things that are way beyond  the physical to get through.  These things really fade. Age happens, accident happens, you’d discover those features are like fake flashy jewelries, as the real treasure is within. A person’s beautiful character can shine from inside to the outside so that an otherwise plain person seem much more beautiful than even the fairest of all maidens.

Tall , dark, short, slim, muscular, whatever feature it is we have can be gone in a flash, if that is all we were ever interested in, then there goes the love we claimed we had.

One of my favourite new age poets shared how he used to fantasize about his dream woman looking a certain way and how the love of his life looks nothing close to that dream, but makes him feel like no one else has ever made him feel because of who she is on the inside.

I am not saying physical attraction doesn’t play a part but I have come to discover that when it comes to a life partner , there are a host of other things to consider that goes way past how tall, short ,slim or fat the person looks like. You need to choose someone whose listening ears are ever at our table, one with a compassionate heart and shoulders that are ever ready for you to lean on. You need someone who knows your weak points but chooses to focus on your strength, someone that completes you far beyond perfect pictures.

Some people are fortunate to find such people. I came across a post as I was writing this post of a former model, Turia Pitt, that got caught in fire, causing her to suffer major burns that seriously altered her outward appearance. Her boyfriend at the time quit his job to take care of her and when he was asked if he ever felt like leaving her in someone else’s care so as to move on with his life. His reply was that he married her soul, her character, and that she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill his dreams."

That reply was from a person that understands how love works. It has nothing to do with height, weight, complexion or race, it is so much deeper than all that and to find it, you need to be so much more than all those things. 

If you were backed in a corner and asked to truthfully say what influences your decision in choosing a life partner, would you still say that such superficial things as height and complexion matter?

PhotoCredit: scienceofrelationships.com