Sunday, February 28, 2016

Musings Of A 'Worrying' Young Mum

I never really loved animations and cartoons while growing up. Not like I loved TV time that much generally, but if I had to watch TV, then, I love for my characters to be human. My imaginations are not that creative I suppose.
But in recent times, I have found myself watching so many of the popular and unpopular animations, I even know the studios that produced them. I sometimes feel like I can take a quiz on these animated movies and cartoons and perform excellently. The reason for that is definitely my obsession to try and keep whatever we watch at home child friendly and most of the animated movies have safe themes for kids. I kind of feel like I owe it to my child to help preserve her innocence. I desire for her vocabulary to be devoid of profane words, I desire for her to learn and understand everyday courtesies. 

While scouting for her school, I chose one that has high moral standards because of my perceived thought that I’m in control of who she’ll become. Unconsciously, I am trying to mold her life a certain way. But I have found out that I am not in control at all.
While reflecting on her and all the changes that have occurred in the past few months, I confessed to a friend of mine that I get scared some times. She seems to be growing so fast and I find myself worrying more, she can be quite strong willed sometimes. Nail scratches on her face make me worry about her not being bullied or being the bully. I find my mind wandering far into her teen years, wondering if she would feel comfortable enough to share her fears with me. I wonder if she’ll know and accept Christ and not feel the need to rebel against everything she has been taught.

My thoughts are not unlike that of many young mothers. I realized this in a conversation with my mum when she told me one can only try so much, the real parent is God. Her opinion is reiterated in a blog post I read (4 Things My 45-Year-Old Mom Self Wants My 22-Year-Old Mom Self to Know). 

So now, I am learning to live life one day at a time, appreciating my shortcomings and understanding that God is the one in control.

This doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t guide her. I’ll guide her to the best of my abilities but I am letting go of my silly worries. God has got this.

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