Wednesday, February 3, 2016


Nobody saw it coming, it all happened in a flash. She went in fully clothed and ran out within minutes with every bit of clothing she wore shredded. Her husband was at it again. Nobody knows the underlining story but rumor has it that she is an unfaithful wife. But the beatings are so scary that all the neighbours wonder why she never left in spite of her failing health.

Dirty cooking pans littered a corner of the room. The guys in room D just finished their supper and were chattering in their usual way when the muffled sound they have all come to realize belonged to Kole, the guy next door seeped through the crack in the wall. A more audible voice could be heard giving orders ‘kneel down and say your mother is crazy’. Kole muffled some more amidst sobs and frantic apologies to his enraged girlfriend whose semi high pitched voice was raining more orders. The boys are bemused as always, indeed they agreed Kole needs an intervention.

Lai had a long day at work, he was looking forward to a long shower and a quiet evening when he was met at the door by his angry wife. All he could make out from the noise was how he had failed to pay for the cable services which led to their cable getting disconnected. The insults she was howling at him felt like different jabs of sharp edged knives being thrown at different parts of his body. He was going to turn back when she stood in the way, pushing and shoving as she screamed for him to react. A push from him to get her out of the way sent her flat on the ground which was followed by a hysteria and a loud call for the neighbours to come to her rescue. His life is a living hell. Nobody fully understands his plight, all they say is ‘she is a woman’ and he needs to be a gentleman.

As I was writing this post, someone on my contact list put up a picture of a middle aged man that was said to have been stabbed dead by his wife, the wife is also said to have sustained some  injuries. They both have been in a fight apparently but only one of them made it alive and she has been arrested at the moment.

Abuse is not limited to one gender, it cuts across both genders. One life is not more important than the other. Lives are lost, enemies are made,homes are destroyed and the list just keeps getting longer.
It is very sad how ‘love’ degenerates to such level. We cannot stop raising the awareness and talking about abuse till everyone understands that abuse always births casualties;  loss of life, loss of self, children and so many other losses. Something always gives.

Nobody deserves such dehumanizing treatment.

There are always signs to watch out for. We all are not of the same temperament but emotions can be managed. Be careful not to allow yourself cross that line of reasonability. Jealousy can fast get out of hand. If you have problems trusting your partner, talk about what might be the cause. Don’t allow your insecurities override your judgement.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. There are respectful ways of resolving issues. Try to avoid using provocative words or pushing and shoving your partner while arguing.

Love is kind and patient. Love is slow to anger. It stops being love when you allow yourself to bear grudges that lead to deep resentment for your partner.
Nobody is perfect, your partner is a work in progress and so are you. Provocation or not,violence is never an option.

If you are an abuser, take responsibility for your actions and seek help. Deal with all your underlying issues. Also go for counselling and pray. Manipulation isn't a way of showing love.

If you are a victim of abuse, speak out. Run and Look for support groups (they are everywhere). Dead people don’t speak. Stop making excuses, you deserve to live and be loved right.

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