Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Why You keep Hurting the Perfect Partner


Many of the posts I put up here often address ‘victims’. Like most relationship bloggers, I tend to address those at the receiving end of ill treatment. Today, my thoughts wandered to those at the inflicting end of pain; those who hold the devil’s fork that torments others; those who are so emotionally disconnected from others, they keep inflicting pain without feeling the need to quit. If you are the one with the devil’s fork, this article is for you. 

Have you ever stopped to wonder why you feel the need to inflict pain on others no matter how good they may have been to you? Do you ever stop to wonder why that amazing man or woman gets on your nerves and you simply feel the need to get down and dirty with someone who threatens your emotional stability? Do you wonder why you mistreat men who are looking out for your success, and aiming to lift you higher, but tend to encourage those who have nothing to offer you with the expectation that you can save them? Then you might be dealing with deep-seated emotional issues that even you are yet to place your hands on. One of these issues is that of insecurity. 

Most people in the world are insecure about something; it could be something totally superficial like their looks, or something deeply ingrained in their character like their ability to do certain things or lack thereof. Whatever the case may be, insecurities can result in expressions of ill behaviour and affect your disposition towards relationships. 

If you are constantly shunning the good people or seeking to break down their confidence, you are highly insecure and need to work through your insecurities. Many insecure people wear the masks of false confidence. They spend a lot of their time and energy rehearsing lines, smiles and moves, to ensure they come across as highly secure in their identity. However, once they are in relationships with people who are genuinely secure in themselves, they feel the need to tear them down. It’s that need to maintain the false superiority you have built that causes you to mistreat other people for simply being themselves. It’s that deep-seated insecurity that causes you to feel threatened if your partner is intelligent and full of life. It is that deep insecurity that causes you to lash out at your partner because they are everything good you feel you are not. It is insecurity that causes you to see the confidence in a good partner as arrogance, and that of course makes you feel threatened. Of course, you will not show you are threatened, you will rather pass yourself off as offended by the great level of arrogance (i.e. genuine confidence) they display. Insecurity is what causes you to cheat on a good partner and still blame him/her for your infidelity. If you have been trading yourself off as confident in a bid to assure yourself that’s why you can’t put up with good partners, stop fooling yourself. You are not confident; you are insecure. 

The purpose of this post of course is not to judge you; I am writing this to help you. It is time to stop embracing insecurity. It is time to start being your genuine self, and enjoying the company of good relationships that push you to be better. In my next post, I will address how to work through your insecurities so you can enjoy relationships with amazing people!


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