Saturday, August 1, 2015

Why Married Couples Should Date!

I have often wondered what it is about some couples that just makes me wish for marriage. I mean I have met a whole lot of couples that made me think "Hmmm... maybe not", but I have also met some who made me wonder for days how they have managed to keep the spark alive after decades of being married. Many people are quick to point at the fact that they married their best friends, and you know, all the other ideals we have managed to internalize. I have recently uncovered a secret to lasting marriages from my married friends, and that is the importance of dating. It sounds so simple, and to some people, it may be regarded as frivolous and unnecessary, but from my research, I have realized that married couples who date each other tend to have better, more lively marriages.


It is very tempting to simply go with the flow in marriage. It is tempting to resign yourself to routine, and it is very very tempting to not bother about your appearance. Afterall, your partner is not with you for your looks; they are there for the inner beauty. That's true; I mean any relationship that's intended for the long haul cannot rely simply on good looks and attracvtiveness. But at the same time, relationships are not only emotional in nature, they are physical too, so being attractive is key. Given the temptation to go with the flow in marriage, many couples become bored, and start to lose their intimacy because the only time they interact is when they have to do practical marriage/family stuff. 

Make time for dates! I don't mean have date nights every week. I mean have time away from home, and from the children every now and then. If you're so busy, you have to schedule it, make it once a month, but do not undermine what dating your spouse can do for you. Dating generally makes people want to be more attractive. It makes them put some effort into their appearnce; it can recreate fond memories of when the relationship was still new, and definitely remind the spouses of their spark. Weekends away, trying out new restaurants, Karaoke bars and so on can add a lot of spice to a marriage, and make it less of a 'necessary bother' that must be tolerated. I think many married couples don't date anymore because it is rather unnecessary to date someone you already have right? Well, it is necessary! Dating your spouse means you will constantly renew your relationship! You will discover more about your spouse, and you will grow together in love, admiration and appreciation. 

3 comments:

  1. Hmmmn....so true...even tired of going on the dates and still only talking about practical things...the house hunt, the new school....how is work going? did you finish that project?....i can't believe i paid the babysitter so much and made all this effort only to discuss the same things we talk about, half the time with his back to me as he works on his laptop... i'm tired...i point out: 'let's talk about how we feel... about each other...' classic scenario: he asks "so what do you feel?" and then he listens as I talk some more...' and then i ask him the same question...silence....more silence and then he said that he was thinking about what I had just said... I reply, "ok"...and then more silence...he changes subject....or asks me more questions....he never says anything....then ...days/weeks later during an argument/debate...(trying to find the words that don't depict quarrell because in his words: "we don't quarrell, why are you so worked up? Relax! " . Anyway, days/weeks later, during a heated argument which starts with me 'making a mountain out of a mole hill' ...it all comes gushing out...everything i do that he doesn't like...so you see, i'm not perfect ...i just wish he would tell me these same things when we go on dates as well as what he likes... and not only when we have an argument....now i have moved further into my shell...no one hurts like an intimate friend...what's the point of being vulnerable... i don't cry in his presence anymore if i feel hurt by stuff happening in my life outside home...it's just easier not to feel the need to bond with anyone...but i know that can't be right...it just feels safer right now... i'm tired of trying....closing in on the tenth of a century.... will drink my wine quietly on that day...
    Please forgive my rambling...I just wanted to add to the post: in addition to going on the dates, I think it's important to actually share our inner thoughts and feelings and what we love about our spouses... all the mushy things we spoke about nearly 20 years or more ago... not just school fees... Oh don't get me wrong as those things are important but those issues are better resolved and best plans are made from a nest that's laden with intimacy and a depth of love that's binding...my 2 cents/pence/kobo :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous, thank you so much for your comment. Many men find it difficult to open up about their feelings, but you can set the mood for it.If you'd like to communicate further, please send me an email on dfayemiwo@gmail.com

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    2. It makes communication very difficult.

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