Tuesday, September 8, 2015

8 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Get Married

Marriage is a big deal around these parts.

It is an assumption that many people settle down because they finally found the right person and they also feel it is the right time to take such step. It is also an assumption that getting married is an ‘achievement’ so some people feel the need to get married not because they found the right person but because of the change in status. 

There are so many myths too, like ‘love is not a necessity in a relationship, and it can be found after marriage’ or that one can find the greatest fulfillment ‘only’ in marriage.

There are so many opinions on what is right and not right. While getting married is desirable, it is not the ultimate goal. Staying happily married forever is the goal. To achieve this, one needs to be sure one is settling down for the right reasons. 

See, I rebelliously enjoy humming my favourite nursery rhymes and bopping my head to whatever tune I am feeling in a moment not minding the curious looks I get from passersby. That way I get to preserve a little bit of my childhood, I get to be free the way only a child can be. Given my carefree attitude, I was the last person anyone close to me thought would settle down when I did. Not because I wasn’t ‘old’ enough but more because they understand that my carefree attitude was just a façade.

They wanted to know if I held myself to the same qualities I preached. So, I got asked ‘plenty’ questions after I introduced my fiancé. I got asked questions like ‘what does being in love feel like?’ and the questions got even weirder after my engagement, I got asked ‘How did you know he is the one?’ Are you in love with him? Is he in love with you? Do you think he settled? Do you think you settled? What were your reasons for saying yes? How did you know you are ready? Etc.

I have always believed no one needs to be rushed into taking a decision that alters one’s life path forever and I don’t blame them for watching out for me because I’d ask them same questions.

In truth, there are so many things one considers before one takes that bold step. However one needs to be well guided so as not to regret one's decision.Be mindful not to make an avoidable mistake;
  • Don’t get married hoping to get self-control: If you are having problems keeping your zipper closed, putting a ring on it wouldn’t stop that urge. That hot girl you can’t get out of your thoughts wouldn’t rapture simply because you are getting married. Your hot ex wouldn’t skip town just because you have settled down. So, tackle the real issue and not just compound your problems.
  • Don’t get married because everyone is getting married: We all grow differently, I don’t think I would have survived the first year of my marriage if I had gotten married earlier. Age is not always directly proportional to experience but we can’t deny that there is a better understanding that comes with age. So, if everyone in your class are all boo-ed up and loving it. Don’t hop into it if you don’t feel ready within yourself. Forget whatever fad. You are not every Sidikat, John and Carolina, you don’t need to join the wagon.
  • Don’t get married because you desire the change in status: Get your ambitions right darling. Marriage doesn’t complete you, it complements you. So, aspire to be a better person in all areas of your life. Stop seeking validation wrongly. Getting married doesn’t automatically translate to a happier and better life. You won’t automatically start receiving a bigger paycheck because your surname changed. So, get those thoughts out of your mind and focus on being a better person all round. 
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