Tuesday, September 1, 2015

I Don't Love You Anymore

She had just finished her morning chores when she drew her favorite kitchen chair to sit down and savor the scent from the lemon grass that was cooking on one of the two table stoves that were in the kitchen.
It is a ritual she never misses every morning. Soft jazz could be heard playing from the small music player that was perched on one of the numerous shelves. She used to love counting her blessings by allowing her thoughts wander. She used to think about the many women that would give their all to step in her shoes, but so much has changed in recent times.
She poured out a cup for herself from the kettle that had been boiling and proceeded to add some honey and a bag of black tea. She could feel her spirit being lifted just before it got to that point where it can’t seem to soar past. It is an inexplicable feeling of discomforting calm. She ought to be happy but the pretense had taken a toll on her.

Image result for fallen out of love
Photo Credit: h3sean.com
A persistent knock on the door jolted her out of her thoughts. It was Kunle, her husband of seven years. He is the reason behind her happiness and the cause of the underlying pain she feels now. She has still not gotten over the shock after he told her over dinner the week before that he has fallen out of love with her and wanted a divorce. He had been trying to avoid a confrontation, not like she wants one too. But last night, in what seemed like a mini confrontation, he mentioned that she doesn’t excite him anymore.  She wanted some kind of elaboration, a deeper explanation of what excitement entails.
 A quick journey through her mind, she could see where they both have gone wrong. They have become so used to eachother, perhaps slipping on basic things that could have fueled their passion for each other.

With a great resolve to fight for the love they once shared and probably still share, she adjusted her floral dress as she opened the door, greeting him with a light peck on both cheeks. Kunle was taken aback, ‘am I in the same house?’ he thought. She helped him remove his jacket while making little conversations to ease some of the tension between them. She felt a shiver as his fingers lightly brushed hers. His eyes followed her as she fetched him some water to drink.
She felt his stare on the back of her neck and became even more determined to fight for their love. Their thoughts were aligned in that moment.
They made a resolve to try again.

Many people find themselves in similar situations some times. Something goes off and if care isn’t taken,a great relationship could fizzle out. I have sat through divorce proceedings and listened to people talk about their marriages like a nightmare they want to quickly get over. 'I am in love with someone else' some say. All these make me wonder if love is really that fickle.

Will you give up on   your  marriage because you have fallen out of love?

All relationships are not the same and we all don’t face the same situation. Many things happen in marriages that make divorce inevitable. Of all the many things that could go wrong, allowing ourselves fall out of love by slowly drifting apart is a mistake we need not allow ourselves make.

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Photo Credit: www.nuvodating.com
When one of the couples that was featured on TLC channel’s ‘90days to Wed’ was asked why he chose to marry from Philippines, he mentioned that it was because of the average Filipino’s attitude to marriage. He mentioned that divorce happens only in extreme situations meaning couples are vested in making their relationship work.

Everyone entering into a marriage needs to go in with the right attitude. You need lots of positivity and hard work for a good marital ride. Many long term couples attest to this too. It is a bit like building fire with wood, one needs to consistently add more wood, fuel and occasional fanning to maintain the hotness and glow. If one leaves the fire without attending to it, it will slowly fizzle out.

Love always hopes and always perseveres (1Cor13:7). If the attraction is fading, do all you can to bring it back; date more, try new things, talk to a counsellor, talk about it, do all you have to, just don’t stop trying.

A small crack can become a very large hole if left unfixed for so long. No one falls out of love in a day, it is always a build up of many things, Don't ever let it go sour.


  1. So true! What I've noticed about this lack of excitement is that it is oftsn caused by a lack of communication. One person discovers something new and feels it's either inappropriate to share, or will have their spouse running for the hills. Communication and reinventing the marriage arw necessary steps. Great piece!

    1. Thanks Demi.Those two things are so necessary. One cannot afford to be laid back about one's marriage. the two people in the relationship need to grow together because a lot changes over the years.


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