Saturday, September 26, 2015

Are You Dating a Substance Abuser? Here’s What You Need to Know (2)

To read the first part of this post, click here

The big question when it comes to substance abuse is whether your partner is simply experimenting, an occasional or social indulger, or a full on addict. The truth is that many addicts do not admit they are addicts. As a matter of fact, many marijuana smokers would never admit they are addicted to it; instead, expect a full lecture about ALL the health benefits no one is talking about. So how do you know your partner is an addict? Simple! He or she cannot live without it! Yes, they may go a week without indulging, or even a month, but at some point, they will complain about their inability to function properly, and before you can blink twice, they’ll be back at it, twice as hard. 

If you are in a relationship with a substance abuser, you are either in an ungainly situation already, or on your way into one, and you need to get out. No adult, male or female should put up with a person who has no self-control, and substance abusers are the personification of lack of self-control.

First things first; in order to leave a relationship you’ve built with a substance abuser you need to address your personal psychological conceptions or misconceptions as they may be. One general misconception you may have been led to believe is that it is your duty as a person who’s in love with a substance abuser to change that person. Wrong!!! You cannot change anyone, except you clone a new version of that person, and even then, the DNA is still the same, save for a few splices and modifications that you want to introduce. When you decide to leave, your partner might break down, plead, and highlight how you’d stay and change them if you truly care. Do not fall for this. It is their duty to change themselves. Your presence or absence will not change anything except they decide to. 

Another psychological misconception is that if you love a person, you must agree with, and accept everything that person does. NOT TRUE! Love gives you room to disagree, to express your feelings, no matter what they are, and to voice your opinions without feeling like you are about to push someone over the edge. This in essence means that you do not have to accept substance abuse simply because you are in love with a person. Understand this: how you feel is very important, and if it hurts their feelings, say it anyway, and prepare for your exit. Once you have this misconception out of your head, you are ready to leave the relationship. 

An important thing to note is to not aggravate a substance abuser; although he or she may not be violent, you never know what could happen. So try to keep things as amicable as possible and make your exit as pain-free as you can. Understand that when you leave, they will make up stories about you, and paint pictures of things that never happened. They might go to the extent of smearing your personality but take it all in good stride, and keep walking. Confrontations with a substance abuser is entirely unnecessary because they are so wrapped up in their delusions, they will only see their perception of things, which is unfortunately a result of drug-induced highs and a latent mental instability. 

Do you have any thoughts regarding this topic, do share! XOXO

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