Saturday, September 26, 2015

Are You Dating a Substance Abuser? Here’s What You Need to Know

Substance abuse is becoming less frowned upon. There is a new level of acceptance, or should I rather call it diplomacy that the world has embraced where substance abuse is concerned. Drinking till one is in a stupor or getting high on marijuana is not exactly a crime; it has never been. For many teenagers, it is about experimenting; for adults who abuse dangerous substances including drugs, it’s a complicated case of addiction and lack of self-control.

You may not know it, or you may have chosen to turn a blind eye, but the fact remains that substance abuse has never helped a relationship. If anything at all, substance abuse is the foundation of many toxic relationships. A partner who abuses harmful substances is all you need to tear you down, cause you to doubt your adequacy, and poison your self-esteem. 

Substance abusers, be it alcohol, marijuana or hard drugs like cocaine and heroin tend to gravitate towards creating lofty dreams of grandeur for their future. They tend to aggrandize themselves in preparation for this future dream which is unfortunately a mere result of the high they feel after using whatever substance they are into. Sadly, if you’ve chosen to turn a blind eye to the substance abuse, you might mistake these moments of grand picturesque ideas of the future as ambition and drive, which leads me to my next point. 

Many substance abusers fail to achieve anything substantial. It may be difficult for you to accept this because you know that one guy who succeeded in spite of all the substances he ingests, or that one lady who still manages to keep it together. Yea, those are the exceptions. In many cases, substance abusers do not achieve much, although they are very good at presenting themselves as high achievers who can match up to anyone at any time. This is what makes them abusive people. 

Many ladies I have met and coached have attested to the fact that their partners are usually more loving after smoking a joint, but once the high is over, it’s a whole different ball game. Substance abusers are not necessarily physically abusive. In fact, many of them are not violent in any way, but they can be emotionally and psychologically abusive. If you let them aggrandize themselves to you, and draw you into their delusions of grandeur, you’ll find that they start to tear you down emotionally and psychologically. In the mind of every substance abuser out there, no one else is better, and if you are with them, you’d better be grateful for the favor. 

Substance abusers are very possessive even though they are not 100% committed to you. The high many of them get from these substances gives them the idea that they can run the world, and own people. Hence, you’ll find that they expect 100% loyalty from you, and might even conjure stories to test your fidelity, but at the same time they want you to understand their need (not desire, but need) to cheat on you. They will constantly tell you their possessiveness is because of the love they feel for you, but beware, a guy who constantly walks around the house with you, goes with you to the toilet, and sticks to you like glue every second of the day, will not be pleased if you try to make friends with other people. 

Substance abusers generally have no regard for other people’s feelings, and will always want the relationship to play to their expectations. In other words, after aggrandizing themselves to you, they want you to be on your toes. They want you to please them, and any form of expression they do not request is considered out of place, and an attack on their personality.

A relationship with a substance abuser can be draining emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and even financially! When they are low on supplies, they will take advantage of your soft spot, and expect you to foot the bill. Failure to do so will be translated to mean you are judging them because you do not have an open mind. To continue with this post, please click here 

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