Thursday, September 17, 2015

Why You're No Longer Good Enough For Your Partner

Many relationships these days are faced with issue of infidelity. Whether it is a once-off occurrence or a continuous slap in the face, infidelity can take its toll on anyone’s sense of self-worth. Feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem can envelop the victim of infidelity and result in a complete withdrawal from a relationship, or an urge to constantly prove that you are better than the other person. Many wives stretch themselves to extreme limits to please their cheating husbands, and many men throw money they don’t have at their women to prevent them from running off with the new guy down the block. This is because for some inexplicable reason, we tend to believe the reason for our partner’s wandering eye is that we are not good enough. I’ve come to learn this is not actually the case. 
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In this day and age, there’s what we call the “in thing”- the trend in vogue; and in an indirect way, we are constantly becoming reliant on what we have, who we date, and how others perceive us for our self-esteem. That’s one of the reasons we rush to change phones every year whenever a new model is out, some people do the same with cars, and I’m sure if they could change houses every year, they would too. This heavy reliance on external acceptance and the strong need for external admiration to make us feel good about ourselves is one of the many intricate reasons why relationships can no longer stand the test of time. 

It is fast-becoming a norm for people to ‘upgrade’ their partners. The lines between individuals and material things are now so blurred, we treat everything and everyone the same way. The way we upgrade phones every year, we are constantly on the lookout for the latest type of partner in vogue so we can intimidate our buddies and earn their respect. It is prevalent amongst men to want to upgrade after years of sticking with the same boring old woman; they go for the young skinny secretary who has never had children or had to clean up after them, and compare her to the woman who has been there through thick and thin. They feel the need to upgrade. Women are not exempt; after years of receiving support from a wonderful man, they jump on a yacht with a businessman, wave goodbye, and disappear. 

It is understandable that after being with a person for years, supporting them, and helping them build their dreams that you’d have that overwhelming feeling of not being good enough when they decide to up and leave. 

Well, snap out of it!!! It is not your fault that a person can’t see your great qualities, and their inability to see your worth does not decrease it in any way. I sometimes walk into clothing stores, see some price tags, laugh in my head, and leave. The fact that I walk away doesn’t mean the store manager will immediately decrease the price of the item. Unless it’s sale season, it will go for that price, and those who can afford it will purchase it. It’s the same with relationships. They may not see your worth anymore because there’s someone else who fits the ‘in vogue’ description. That’s fine. It doesn’t mean you are useless or not good enough. It’s exhilarating to ride in a new BMW, but we all know a vintage car will always have more value in the eyes of a connoisseur. You are not old and ‘not good enough anymore’, you are vintage, and only a true expert can see your value. Stop feeling blue, and quit selling yourself short. You are worth a whole lot more than you can imagine in the arms of the right person. XOXO.

For a different angle to this post, check out my analogy using my dad’s relationship with his radio by clicking here

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