Thursday, April 16, 2015

How To Stay Married Forever

How can one have a long lasting and fulfilling marriage? I was plagued with this question after I received the news that a couple I know are separated after being married for barely a month. I tried to imagine what could have gotten so bad that they felt they couldn’t work together to fix their young marriage. I like to believe nobody sets out to get a divorce (or maybe some people do but that’s a minority).  Do you wonder if there are formulas for staying married to the same person forever?
Good news is there is some kind of formula. We shared a story of a couple that were married for over 87 years on this SITE some time ago and they shared with us the secret on how they made it work. I also talked to some couples that have been married for several decades and I present to you the secret to staying married forever.

Marry your friend: Some people have been able to get over the hurdles of arranged weddings and really find love, while others have not been so lucky. It is important to marry someone you are familiar with,someone with similar interest and background. This makes staying together lots easier.

Patience is a necessity: it is alright to be mad, what is not right is bringing down the roof everytime you are mad. You need to exercise patience in resolving issues with your spouse so as not to mess things up.

Don’t second guess your spouse: You are no private investigator. If a situation occurs, wait to hear your partner’s side of the story. You might sometimes be wrong in your analysis of what happened and therefore overreact and ruin things.

Talk it Out: whatever the situation might be, never get tired of discussing it. Communication is very important for a relationship to thrive. Talking is how issues get involved. If you never tell me how would I know?

Be open: Being secretive never helps anyone. You are doing more harm if you take a loan your partner knows nothing off seeing as you might both bear the consequence in the long run. If you have a problem, share it. That is why you are married, your troubles doesn’t have to be yours alone. Respect the trust your partner invested in you.

Never keep a score: it is not a competition, it is not about how many times you are right or how many times he is wrong. What matters is for you both of you to be happy. It is healthy to disagree, long as you get through it and move on.

Respect your individualities: don’t become so insecure and controlling that your partner becomes forbidden to visit or spend time with other friends outside your marriage. That is only going to make them feel unhappy and might lead to the end of the marriage. He had a life before you and even though he is married now, allow him some boys’ time. If you have any reservations about any of his / her friends, discuss it. Nobody wants to marry their parents so you might want to stop with being controlling.

Don't forget about yourselves when kids come into the mix: It is easy to get sucked into providing for the kids and doing all ther things that parenting entails  but understand that your relationship also matters so dont be so busy parenting that you ignore your relationship.

 Don’t live by the books: The books are wrong sometimes you know. The fact that your husband got you a card and a rose for vals doesn’t mean he is not thoughtful and loves you less. It also doesn’t matter if your sex life is not as vibrant as the blogs and books say they should be. What matters is for you to understand each other.

Appreciate each other: Everyone has their peculiarities, what is important is understanding yourselves. Not every man is a handy man and not every woman is a wonderful cook, what matters is for you not to dwell on your partner’s weakness so much that you forget other areas where they are strong.

Never make divorce an option: Bear it at the back of your mind that divorce is not an option. Whatever happens, try and work it out. Understanding that you are in the relationship for better or for worse helps you to put in more work to get through the difficult times.

Pray: Having a successful marriage takes the grace of God. Sometimes you do everything right and wonder what went wrong . You need to commit your marriage in God's hand for him to give you the grace to be patient and the wisdom to do the right thing .

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