Saturday, April 4, 2015

Should You Ask About Your Partner's Past Relationship(s)?

Someone asked me if it was alright to want to ask about one’s partners past relationship(s).I paused for a while before I could find my tongue because being a Yoruba girl I subconsciously live the philosophy that ignorance is bliss meaning what one doesn’t know wouldn’t hurt. So, I asked her if it was better to let sleeping dogs lie or to stir the dogs and find out they are not so friendly after all?
We both agreed that was quite tricky.

Getting into a new relationship comes with its anxieties and awkwardness. You really want to just enjoy what you have and look forward to the future but the devil always rears his head in our thoughts in form of what ifs and hows. It is totally normal to get curious about what your partner used to be like before you but then you should search yourself to be sure what your intentions are because the problem you have might just be your insecurity.

Image result for discussing the exHonesty and openness are very necessary tools in building a great relationship so if you have any skeleton that might shock your partner out of their skin, it is best you let them know because allowing your partner to find out on his /her own might feel like betrayal and that might lead to the end of the relationship.

However there are ways to go about asking. You don’t want to make it look like you are prying. If you have your reservations and you want to be sure about some things, then you should ask. Don’t be too forward though. The key is for one to be patient and diplomatic in making such enquiries. You don’t want to be out with someone on a first date and from that first day you are already asking what the person’s former relationship was like. Settle into the relationship and allow your partner get comfortable with you and build trust in you. Chances are he/she would be more open with information if you allow things follow their natural courses, she might probably tell you herself even without you asking.

Truthfully I don’t think discussing exes has any advantage in a new relationship. Of what use is it knowing your partner used to feel very strongly about another person? Would you feel better envisioning them together? By gones really should be by gones and both parties just need to concentrate on what they have and look forward to an even brighter future. There is a reason exes are exes.

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