Thursday, June 11, 2015

Infidelity Is Here to Stay?

I recently watched a couple of videos, one of them being a TED talk where the speaker spoke about infidelity and the fact that it is here to stay. According to her, infidelity is a result of longing and dissatisfaction in a relationship, and should not be condemned as it is, nor should it lead to a breakup. In her description, she explained that infidelity is more like a reset button to push your relationship or marriage in the right direction instead of maintaining the status quo. From my understanding of her talk, the infidel is not a perpetrator but a victim of a marriage that has not been able to fulfill his/her desires. She made it very clear from her talk that infidelity is here to stay and we must learn to embrace it just as it is.

Are you reading that and nodding your head? Stop. Now move your head to the left, then to the right, and the to the left again. Get the message? I hope so.

We have now reached a stage in society where we romanticize the idea of infidelity. We have made up ways to explain and justify cheating in marriages, just like some people are trying to use logic to explain God - simply impossible. 

For some couples, infidelity might be a reset button. The cheated partner might want to give the marriage another shot, forgive, and just move on by trying to address the root cause of the infidelity. The truth is many couples do this, they just don't air their dirty laundry for us to see. However, the fact that people can look past infidelity does not mean we should embrace it as a norm. It is by no means normal to cheat on your partner and not expect any repercussions. 

Infidelity is a deep betrayal of trust. It shatters everything that has been built over an extended period. It shatters all the promises made, vows taken, and really makes the marriage more of an illusion on the part of the cheated partner. Infidelity is not OK, not by any stretch of the imagination. Let's not romanticize it, and try to make it a norm, like we made Bruce Jenner transforming to Caitlyn Jenner a norm we should not only embrace, but praise. I believe the absence of empathy in relationships sometimes makes infidelity easy for some people. I always say "put yourself in your spouse's shoes, and check how what you are about to do makes you feel." What you cannot accept, you should not proffer to your spouse. You should not embrace infidelity and expect that your partner will stick around, embracing your excesses. 

Infidelity should not stay; we should kick it out! If you are still keen to play the field, don't get married. Don't take vows in the presence of God only to make a fool of Him and your partner later. Don't walk down the aisle, don't insult your partner's intelligence. Go for who you truly love, not who's convenient. Go for who truly makes you happy and who brings out the best in you. Infidelity is mostly caused by the fact that we settle for the partners we believe will fulfill the ideal marriage picture instead of going for the ones who make our hearts leap for joy. What are your thoughts on infidelity? Do share. XOXO


  1. We cannot just wish infidelity away. The fact that we just say (even from the pulpit) that infidelity should stop would never make it stop.

    We need to first understand "why infidelity?" before we can ever begin to see solution and changes.

    Most people would agree with me that most marriages are simply two people leaving under the same roof....nothing more than that.(no clear cut purpose for the union)

    While I'll certainly would be wrong to say this is the one cause of infidelity or give a list of causes, i would be right about one thing for sure:


    This means that for every say, 1000 cases of infidelity, there might be 1000 different reasons why it happened or its happening, but for 1000 relationships with no infidelity issues, you would see similar trends and traits they all exhibit why there is no infidelity.

    So instead of asking the question; why do people cheat? I'll rather ask, 'what would make someone not to cheat in marriage?" Ever asked yourself that question before?

    TO BE CONTINUED....but in the mean time, please drop your thoughts on the question, "what would make someone never cheat on his/her spouse?

  2. Being faithful is a decision


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