Thursday, June 4, 2015

Wives , Submit To Your Husbands: How It Really Works

No lies, movies and books give us fabled expectations of what life should be, married life especially. It starts from when you don’t fall in love with a tall dark and broad chested man but discover the bald headed short man has the key to your heart. You also realize there are truthfully not going to be many breakfasts in bed with your husband being the most thoughtful chef in the world.You would struggle to keep up with your significant other sometimes. You’d discover love is not so easy and there are times you just want out for reasons you cant even explain.

You’d see at other times that marriage could even be more blissful than the books said and how it is possible to love and dislike the same person in one breath. Unlike the rich cowboy in the books, your hubby might not always be able to meet all your needs and you might have to miss out on some fun things because parent duties require better concentration.
Bottom-line, not all of us would be well prepared for many challenges that being in another person’s space ‘permanently’ poses.

So, how does this work? Love your wife and submit to your husband is what the great book says.
If you thought that was going to be easy since you both love and respect yourselves, well what can I say? You are about to be snapped out of your dream.

We come into relationships with our individual ego and already established outlooks to life that it takes conscious effort not to ruin what we built by our lack of proper  understanding of the marriage institution.

The average man would tell you how much he detests hearing his wife nag. Some women are naturals at this but averagely a satisfied woman wouldn’t nag her man.

My pastor shared a story of how he bought several gifts for his wife on a particular day. He said he put a clue in each gift for her to be led into finding the others till she unwrapped the last one. She felt so loved and appreciated that He said he could have asked her for her head in that minute and she wouldn’t have hesitated.

Another man shared how he consciously affirms to his wife how deeply he feels about her everyday and how blissful his marriage has been premised on that.

See, women are not as complex as many men think. They are very emotional beings that feel a sense of relevance in their homes by how much attention their husbands pay to the things they do. They feel cheated by men many times. A woman might feel the need to rebel if she thinks all she is worth is  just being a good lay and  a good cook , because most times, she wants to be appreciated for so much more

Showing her you love her unconditionally helps her in submitting herself totally to you as a man.

She needs to feel like she can rely on you like the church relied on Christ. She needs to see how selfless and genuine your love is to be able to come under your leadership as the man of the house.

So i beseech you to make the right amends in your lives and take conscious effort towards having more peaceful homes. 
I have to add however that there is nothing charming about a nagging wife. 
Take conscious effort as the wife to appreciate all your husband does to make your lives better and understand that there cant be two drivers in a car. Allow him take the lead in love and be by him as an ever present guide. 

God bless you all.


  1. On point. We tend to forget that on that bed of roses, there are thorns as well. Good piece.

  2. By statistic, more and more people are rejecting marriage across the globe. fewer people are interested in getting married at all, why?

    Truth be faced, there are lot more stories of marriage woes than bliss. the gap is very wide.
    I believe quick fix suggestion wont change that reality, there is need for paradigm and ideological shift.

    By contrast, the concept of friendship is not waning, and friendship is suppose to be an important bedrock of marriage, so whats working in friendship that is not working in marriage?

    I believe its the concept of OBLIGATION.

    Think about it, do u have any obligation to be something or do something for your best friend(s)? You are what you are to your friends, and do what you do for your friends out of your free will and choice. you know you cant be bullied, so u dump friends who try to bully you right?

    You respect your friends by your choice, you do stuff for them willingly and when you cant meet a request from them, they don't blow off on you, they accept your choice and love u continuously.

    bottom line, you can totally be yourself around your friend. You don't feel your life is becoming something you don't feel good about around your best friends.

    Now turn that friendship into marriage, and u begin to have demands and obligations on you,( and u on your friend too) with consequences and blame when they are not met. you have to adjust who u truly are to please your married friend now. most times in ways not comfortable to you

    The truth is: you cant continue to please somebody else at the expense of your own happiness and joy for the rest of your life just because you are married.

    The great book say love does not seek its own. if only all married partners fully understand and live by this principle.

    I would say, do not marry when you don't even know yourself yet, and do not marry someone you are not already 100% comfortable with their core person. No need for them to change anything for you to keep loving them more.

    1. And you have made my entire year with your wise words.


    If your friend does something wonderful for you either as a one-off thing or on a consistent basis, you would be full of appreciation and gratitude because he/she does not have a law, an obligation that compels them to do that thing for you, so you appreciate them immensely

    But your wife cooks for you and the kids and you feel ' is that not what she is suppose to do?' is that not her obligation?. All because she is now married to you.

    So you appreciate her less or even criticize her act of love. (something u would never do to a friends act of love)

    And you expect her to be happy? life doesn't work that way, married or not, we are still all human and want to be treated right.

    Your wife is not obligated to cook your food and clean the house. if she does it, its an act of shared love, appreciate it immensely.

    Remember, its human to want to do more of what is appreciated and respected.

    1. Thanks for that lovely piece Joshua Ola.

      God bless you and keep strengthening you to be more wiser.

      "A house is built by wisdom, & it is established by understanding" Proverbs 24:3.

  4. Well spoken Fisayomi. Keep it up!


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