Monday, September 9, 2013

Personal space in marriages???


Hello everyone, it always feels good to be here. Learning from you and sharing from my own little life’s experiences always feels so unexplainably awesome. Let me get right into the post for today. See, I was at this get together over the weekend with number of friends and acquaintances and we started this talk on how far was too far in relationships.



Our argument was later streamlined and the question of the day was “what is personal space and how is it defined in relationships?” Of course we were split into different camps as regards to why there is a ‘personal space’ being kept in a relationship that should be all about two people living and sharing ‘almost’ all aspects of their lives together. Note the use of ‘almost’ in the preceding sentence because I understand there really should be a reasonable level of ‘privacy’, getting married doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or blurring out what one used to do as an individual.

However, I am also of the belief that when we take that sacred oath of being together forever; we are signing a pact of ‘no secrets ever’. I decided to keep academic definitions out of this post so I am just going to share with you the crooked definition that majority of my friends gave to the said phrase. They agreed personal space should include respecting the other person in the relationship enough not to pick his/her calls or go through his/her messages. 

The majority also exempted things like allowing each other some quiet time because no one wants to feel choked up in a relationship. Now from this crooked definition of what personal space is, one would think there should be no talks of one partner cramping the other partner’s personal space seeing as there is a pact of 'no secrets ever' between them. Come to think of it, don’t you find the use of the world personal space ironical in a journey where two should be one?

I remember Mr X told my friend, Mrs X that ‘one of the reasons I don’t want you to go through my phone is for you not to stumble on things that would upset you’. Of course that statement was all Mrs X needed to get mad; so, Mr X explained further that she could stumble on mails that he didn’t want her to see like a sack letter or demotion letter from work or worse still an ultimatum from the bank to balance up a loan he had taken and she might not be able to handle all those. 

While I agree, Mr X made sense, I am of the view that he went about being manly in a wrong way. I would suppose his wife is there to be a helpmate, someone he could rely on when things are going well and otherwise. My opinion is if Mr X thinks about it deeply, he would see he is wrong because when it all hits the ceiling, everyone would be affected and a greater problem than the one he was avoiding might be created.

Respecting each other in a relationship doesn’t mean partners are allowed to keep secrets between them. When we say that phrase ‘I do’, our spaces are not exactly ours anymore. Surprises, especially bad ones, are not good for anyone and if that is what might happen as a result of allowing the other ‘personal space’ then I am not for it. If there is a loan that was taken I would love to know about it ‘cause for me, it all boils down to not wanting to have a false sense of security.

All in all, I would love to say that a relationship should be carried on in the plainest of ways, no creeping around of whatever form and if any of the partners has any insecurity, such person should deal with it by talking about it with the other party and not turn into a snooping machine. As we all know God is the principal builder of this institution, we must always remember to commit things into his hands.

I'll love to read your own definitions of personal space and when you think it is being taken too far.

I wish you all a fruitful week.

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