Tuesday, November 17, 2015

9 reasons why men don't discuss problems with their wives

Credits: tscotty76.wordpress.com

This is a post for the women.

Some women believe they don't understand their husbands. Why doesn't he tell me when he is going through trying times? Why does he have to wait until everything goes belly up before he says anything? If he told him, I could have helped out. I thought that we are one in this marriage.

Well here are some reasons that he might not share his problems with you;

  1. Men don't talk much. Compared to the average woman, the average man does not talk or does not know how to talk. He does not understand why he must talk about anything let alone how to say it. Since he is not used to discussing issues, he may not know how to say it. Women feel at ease when they talk about everything and anything under the sun. Men are not wired that way. 
  2. Men don't talk problems, they talk about solutions. This is one basic difference between men and women. Women like to talk through their problems. It is a way of showing their feelings and to elicit empathy. Men don't like talking about the problems; they prefer to talk about the solutions. 
  3. Women worry too much. Some men think that women worry too much and they would not want their wives to nag about the issues when they are busy thinking through the issue for a solution. Imagine telling your wife a month from the expiry of the tenancy lease that you do not have money for rent. While he is still thinking about how to raise money for the rent, the wife asks him on a daily basis "How far with the rent? Have you raised the money?" Asking a man about the rent without giving him money or providing ways of getting the money will not help him. It will only aggravate him. The best way to help him is to provide solutions or reduce the number of times you ask him for the solution.
  4. He thinks you are too young to understand. This might happen when there is a wide age gap between the husband and the wife. He may think you are not mature enough to understand the intricacies and reasons behind the actions. 
  5. You might use it against him. If a man has a personal problem that has to go with his ego, he might not want to discuss it with you. For instance, if he acted stupidly in a matter which happened some years ago, he may not want to tell you. He might feel that you would use it against him when there is a quarrel. There is nothing as bad as using the issue to taunt him in a quarrel when he told you in confidence. If you have been doing this, please refrain from it.
  6. It is not yet time to discuss it with you. Men like to internally ruminate over some issues. So you see something brewing in his mind, give him time. Don't force him to give you an answer. He is probably still thinking over the issue. He will tell you in due season.
  7. He may think you are too smart and will point out the errors quickly. When a man is not sure about his solutions to problems and is scared you are too smart to figure out the solution quickly, he would not want to talk with you. It will make him look stupid. So an advice for women is to gently assure him in other ways, that no matter what, you are there for him and will never highlight his flaws. Then he would be ready to share anything with you.
  8. Men don't like to show that their weaknesses. Most men believe that they should not show their weaknesses in front of their wives. "What will she think of me if she sees me cry?" "My father says I must be strong for my family". These are some of the things that run in a man's mind. He must live up to the world's image of "the head of the house"
  9. He wants to protect you. The average man has the instinct to protect his family from the outside world. There are some things he might not want to tell you and he may think it is wise to keep it from you. 
In all this, I am not saying that it is healthy for your husband to keep a lot of things away from you. What I am saying is that now that you know, you can make it easier for both of you to tell each other everything. Once you are married, the two become one. And it should be one in all cases.

Be patient. Earn his trust so that he can discuss freely with you.

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