Thursday, March 13, 2014

Five Things You Should Know Before You Say 'I Do'

  1. Respect your husband always; he is the head of the family, let him be the head.
  2. Don’t ‘carry’ your lawyer attitude into your marriage; everything is not to be argued.
  3. Prepare his food on time and make sure you provide him with all the support he deserves. 
  4. Don’t call in strangers before you settle issues concerning both of you.
  5. Above all, always forgive.
These are part of the things I was told when I was about getting married. I discovered however that as the days go by, there are always more lessons to learn.

Allow me share with you what they probably missed;

People have dominant and recessive personalities. Before you said I do, you’re probably more familiar with the sweet- can’t- hurt –a- fly- in-the- world- partner. Well, hate to bust your bubbles, you would discover your partner also has nerves that can be stepped on. Meaning you might witness your partner’s rage or anger that you probably haven’t seen before. You might find out that the OCD feature that you used to really admire can also be very annoying. Her very confident attitude could pass her off as proud atimes and that bluntness you so admired; you might be the object of it. 

Your ever glowing fiancé might have depression issues too. Bear this in mind and remember to always focus on the positive because nobody is perfect.
  • Forget the myth that Love would make him or her change. Habits really die hard and if your soon to be spouse has one you find appalling but hoping to change, you might want to rethink your choice. Now, I sound like a pessimist. Truthfully if they are habits that might cause a strain in your relationship, you need to discuss it. Frequent fights might make married life unbearable for you if you don’t handle the situation.
  • How much of your partner do you know? How much does your partner know you? Good surprises are awesome but no one is a fan of bad surprises. Have you met his/her friends? There is a saying that goes ‘show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’; we are the company we keep. If his friends are jerks, there is an eighty percent chance he is also a jerk. Imagine getting to know at a later time that one’s spouse is a murderer who broke jail. Ok, that’s dramatic but people really have skeletons like kids from past relationships, family feuds and the likes. It could even be a medical surprise like being sterile or having a rare blood group or genotype. Be sure not to be so blinded by love so as not to make the necessary enquiries. Ask questions on things that are unclear to you. Marriage is too lifelong not to be prepared.
  • It is true you met your partner and you had a great connection, one thing you should bear in mind is that your backgrounds are probably different. Some people grow up in very loving families while some are coming from a place of abuse and emotional torture. You need to understand this and be sensitive when dealing with some issues. 
  • Respect your partner’s space; you need to understand that alone times are needed sometimes. Much as two has really become one, there is still the place of self. Marriage doesn’t mean losing one’s identity. Don’t be too needy or clingy. 
Marriages have their fair share of drama and whenever one partner hurts the other, remember there is no end to how much you ought to forgive each other.

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