Monday, March 17, 2014

The Marriage Formula We All Got Wrong

Someone said to me on saturday; "every issue we face in life now has been dealt with in the bible". She is right; everything we need to know as christians has been addressed in the bible. One of the key areas we fail at in spite of having this life manual at our disposal is marriage. The formula for a successful marriage is in the bible (Ephesians 5:21-31) but for some reason, we seem to have completely missed the point. 

"Wives submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord; for the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church"...."Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".

Two simple instructions- wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives. I'll deal with the submission issue first

Society has ruined us; these days we imbibe cultures and ideals that are not of God; these days, there are many women who are unwilling to submit and even the mention of the word either makes them cringe or makes them want to shout the house down! "Why on earth should I submit?! Everything I have, I acquired on my own." Yeah, it is clear we do not understand the meaning of submission, probably because its meaning has been so stretched, it's now a synonym for slavery, stupidity and total idiocy.

Submission in marriage doesn't mean a woman should be totally incapable of being her own person; it means being able to realize that she has someone she reports to- her husband; he is the head. She should not make decisions without consulting him, she should not act like a sheep with no shepherd. A submissive woman is not synonymous to a robotic wife; on the contrary, a submissive woman has her own ideas but she discusses them with her husband first rather than going over his head with the "afterall, it's my money or it's my life" attitude. Yes, it's your life and your money but when you say "I do", you give up the 'I' for 'our'.

A submissive wife lets her husband care for her needs; she doesn't emasculate him emotionally, physically or financially. No matter how little he earns, let him care for you! Don't take up his role. Men are partly to blame for this and I intend to address it in my next post when I deal with the second part of the formula. Where I live,many of the women do it all on their own; they are self-sufficient and they don't need any man! That has led to many emasculated men walking the streets with no sense of responsibility whatsoever; women have taken the roles as the heads of families, and are so self-sufficient, the thought of a man looking after them is just unthinkable! "Who does he think he is? I don't need him". If you feel that way, don't get married.

A friend of mine once said "even though I earn more than my husband, I let him look after the basics in our family. I'm not a wicked wife; I just know he needs to feel he can take care of his woman no matter what." At first I thought to myself "what a merciless wife she must be" but as I grew older, I realized she was submitting, making her man know he is the head and he is responsible for her! He is the bride-groom- grooming his bride, caring for her and loving her the way one would care for a priced possession (I use the word possession here loosely).

Submission doesn't mean you should be a stepford wife; by all means, be assertive, voice your opinions, argue, have a debate with your husband, make him see reason when you know his way won't work but remember in all of this, respect plays a bigger role than love. xoxo

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