Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Ladies, Let's Play The Blame Game

Relationships are not always fun. For many people, it's a dip in the mud, a range of heartbreaks and bucketloads of tears before they actually find 'the one'. Unfortunately, in most cases, men are on the receiving end of blame in relationships that have not worked out. They cheat, they lie, they go on secret dates with their exes and sometimes, even after saying "I do", they just can't leave old habits to die! Even if the habit would like to be buried, they keep going back to its grave and digging it out for 'one last time'. The question however is are men the only ones to blame when relationships don't work out?

Many men have hypengyophobia (A fear of responsibility, or of neglecting one's responsibilities). I am not going to argue that; however, many women are also the cause of broken relationships. Given that this generation is infected with the fear of accepting responsibility, it is only 'normal' to apportion blame to the other party. As a woman, some of the ways you mau have been responsible for your own heartbreak include the following
  1. You are insecure: Many women are insecure; as a matter of fact, the word is beginning to sound cliche! Insecurities cause relationships to hit the rocks before they've even had an opportunity to take to the skies. An insecure woman is constantly in need of reassurance in her relationships. If her man's best friend has a spouse that is more beautiful than she is, she feels like she needs to compare herself with the other woman and will always ask her spouse questions like "Do you think she is prettier than me?" Seriously ladies, it is not cute, it is irritating. An insecure woman can only make two things out of her man- a wimp or a monster; a wimp because he will want to reassure you always so as not to hurt your feelings, he will lie to you to make you feel good and will avoid telling you the truth head-on; or a monster in that he will simply become sick of your neediness and tell you to go jump off a cliff so he can have peace of mind. 
  2. You are too demanding: I know it is romantic to have a man that caters to your needs and does those romantic little gestures to let you know he is thinking about you but being demanding of those things will not help your relationship. I get very uncomfortable when I discover many young women see a man as a meal ticket. Once they start dating, they need to have their hair done, nails done, go shopping, go on trips and of course, this new fish in the net is expected to foot all the expenses. Ladies, men like to know you can look after yourself! Stop with the complete dependency, especially when the guy hasn't even popped the question. It is irritating, takes the joy out of your relationship and makes you like someone that simply came into the relationship with a shopping list. Before you started dating the guy, you had your means, don't shift your burden on to him; it is not romantic, it is burden-some dependency 
  3. You are too clingy: Every man likes to have his time with the boys, with or without a girlfriend. I think this is something many women need to understand. You need to give your man space to still be himself. Yes, he's with you and you have a loving relationship but it doesn't mean you need to tie him to a tree and only let him move with permission; give him freedom to be with his friends. Be with your own friends too. I always advice women to always have their friends separate from that of their spouse. Of course you can share mutual friends but have your own separate friends! You need time out too, you need someone you can vent to, someone you can ask for advice, someone you can hang out with when your man is busy having his 'guy time'. 
There are so many other reasons women cause their men to walk out the door and leave them heartbroken. Dishonesty is one of the key reasons; many women struggle with simply speaking the truth. I know many men thrive on dishonesty but it doesn't mean we have to also. Make honesty a watchword in your relationships! I'm not saying if you do everything right, your man will never walk out on you. He might, so someone better can take his place! But do not be the reason he decides to hit the curb.


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