Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Beware of the Traumatised Partner!

Sometimes in the quest for a suitable partner, many of us are willing to overlook the bad past of our potential partners and try to forge a future ahead with them. It is a very endearing and should I say noble thing to do but sometimes, it is important to watch out for the traits of s traumatized partner.

There is no doubt many individuals make key mistakes when they are choosing partners early in life, however some of them do not get over the trauma they experience from these early relationships. We may deny it but in some way, our experiences shape who we turn out to be. Some people are able to take the important lessons out of their bad experiences and simply move on, while others are just stuck to the fact that they were played or 'taken for a ride', and subconsciously start seeking revenge on any subsequent partners they have.

One key trait of the traumatized partner is the fact that they tend to compare their current partners with the ex who hurt them, and are quick to react to any behavioral traits that believe bore any similarity to the 'hell' they went through in the past. Another trait is unnecessary defensive-ness. Being defensive is hardly ever necessary, but there are times when it is just totally ridiculous! Traumatized partners are quick to defend themselves even when they are not being attacked and they tend to kill flies with a sledge hammer. Every issue is a big deal, all because they want to ensure they are not taken for a ride a second time. 

Of course there is a thin line between discerning if history is about to repeat itself and if a person is simply being quirky. Traumatized partners tend to blur such lines and generally tend to assume at every point in time that history is about to repeat itself. 

To get over the trauma of past relationships requires a lot of deliberate actions.. If you want to be stop letting your bad past experiences hurt your present/future, start by deliberately choosing to understand that no two people are entirely the same, and what you see as an attack may be simply an innocent gesture that was not intended to offend you. Start by thinking and feeling positive. XOXO

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