Sunday, May 17, 2015

Knowing When To Move On: Are You Your Lover's Lover?

When I was growing up, the middle page of one of the national dailies had my heart, there was a column on the page on Wednesdays for troubled hearts to bear their souls and seek opinion from the all wise ‘Aunty Stella’ who seemed to have the solution to every problem. I learned a few things tapping from Aunty Stella’s wealth of knowledge and I still carry some of those lessons around with me.

Social media has bred many more Aunty Stellas among members of several forums. People find themselves checking with the court of public opinion when faced with particular situations. The table is always so full of suggestions that one can get really confused. Despite its seeming minute disadvantage, these forums are avenues to getting solutions to some of the issues people face in life.

Image result for moving on from a relationshipA lady on one of such social media forum shared her story of a guy she has dated for two months and was hoping to have an introduction ceremony with. She shared that he suddenly started acting funny. He stopped calling and hardly replies her texts on time. He also finds all excuses on earth to cancel their meet ups. The very few and far between times they talk, he tells her he loves her. 
I was bewildered when she was still asking if she has to move on or not.
Aunty Stella has had to give advice to people in similar situations a number of times and my two cent on this matter is influenced by what she said then.

Many people have been caught in similar web. It is not really a case of not being thoughtful, it’s more a case of denial. The inability to accept that someone that was head over heels over you no longer feels the same way.
Often times we fan the embers of a fire that has long gone. We reach out for a hand that is no longer there to meet ours. We long for love that has long packed its bags and moved to another house. It is not our fault most times, it is just so hard to accept that what used to be is no more.
I know it is very hard to accept but somethings are not worth wasting one’s time and emotions over. Stop being so naive sweetheart,If a man loves you,you wouldn’t be by yourself wondering what could have or should have been.

Many people are in relationships all by themselves because they find it hard to accept reality and move on from the emotionally unavailable persons in their lives. You think you still have a boyfriend when he's long gotten over you. It is never about what he says , it is about how he treats you. 

A person in a relationship with another person is sensitive about the other person's emotions, he understands the art of constant communication and the need for the basic things that makes relationships grow.

If he has an excuse to counter every basic step towards cementing the closeness that should naturally exist between you two , then it is time to take a walk.
Love is great but it is bad to be miserable in love. There are things you need no soothsayer for. When a lover acts up for too long, you need to stop making excuses and do right by yourself. 

Not everyone is going to be man enough to tell you it’s over, there are times you might have to piece the bits together yourself and move on with your life.

Stop feeling so helpless when the rein to move the horse is in your hands.

Have a great week.

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