Saturday, May 23, 2015

Five Signs You Have Not Moved On

It is so easy to tell people to move on; as a matter of fact, it seems to be the constant one-stop solution to every relationship that has gone awry. I'm a big fan of the 'moving on' sermon; I really do not think anyone should let anything get them down. However, I am disturned by what many people believe moving on is all about. 

I was in a relationship that ended very badly, and two months down the line, my ex called me to ask if I have moved on. My response was a cool yes; his follow-up question was "who are you seeing now?" My response? Nobody...and that set him off into fits of laughter. I laughed too because his myopic understanding of the term 'moving on' really cracked me up. The fact that I could laugh about it was my first epiphany that I wasn't just saying I'd moved on but Ireally had. From then on, I started to take notes about my reaction towards him or even the mention of his name, and from that extrapolated behavioural traits of individuals who are yet to move on from a broken relationship.

You Can't Stop Talking About Your Ex: This is probably the biggest sign you have not moved on from a broken relationship. If you can't stop talking about your ex, or you subconsciously make examples that refer to him/her, or you mention his/her name more times in a sentence than you can count, then you have definitely not moved on! It does not matter if you talk about your ex in residual admiration or even in burning anger, the fact that your ex still resides in your head is a sign that you have not moved on... which leads to my next point

You're Still Angry With Your Ex: Anger can last for as long as you want it to, and the fact that you're angry with a person is evidence that you have not moved on. Anger is an emotion, a show of non-closure, and evidence of being stuck in a tango with someone who probably does not want to dance. If you are still angry with your ex, you are yet to move on. It may sound cold and harsh, but moving on means you become indifferent to your ex. It doesn't matter if he or she grows a third leg or does cart wheels in your presence, you become indifferent. That indifference is a mental space you create in your head, and fill with things or people you like. Without clearing out that space mentally, your ex will continue to reside in your head.

You Care About What Your Ex is Up To: And really, you shouldn't. Yes, he left you for a hotter girl, or she dumped you for a richer man. You should mourn the relationship, bury it, let sleeping dogs lie and let it go day by day. It is not easy; as a matter of fact, during the period of mourning a relationship, you get to learn your emotional weaknesses, and how erroneous your judgements can be when you are in a state of turmoil. Once you get past that stage however, you are home-free and shouldn't care what your ex is up to. Stop asking his friends about him, and if you can, stop hanging out with his friends if they are not your friends. This is not to say it won't hurt you to know you has achieved a milestone without you, especailly if it is something you'dboth planned together, but you must be willing to let it go!

You Stalk Your Ex on Social Media: or call his phone with an anonymous line just to hear his voice. All of these are signs of being stuck in an aimless tango. Hearing your ex's voice will not do you any good, and it will not add anything to you so what exactly is the point? Many people keep tabs on their exes on social media just so they have something to talk about when they re-tell their tale of woes for the umpteenth time to their friends who are forced to listen and reiterate the same reassurances of "deserving better than him" or "getting what's coming to her". Quit the stalking and work on your life. Every pitfall is a chance to improve yourself, and you will not get that done by stalking your ex!

You Still Fantasize About Your Ex... even though you are dating someone else! This often makes for a very good scandal, especially if the ex in question suddenly realizes his or her mistake and decides to return to the picture! Even in the absence of an epiphany of errors made on the part of your ex, fantasizing or comparing your ex to someone new is all evidence of not moving on. People believe moving on is when you meet someone else and start dating. I have been there and I can tell you for sure that's wrong. Moving on is not equal to having someone new! It means letting go and moving on from a situation that sought to break you or made you unhappy, even if you are moving on alone! 

Moving on is more psychological than physical. Having someone hotter or richer by your side does not mean you have moved on, however it may help numb the symptoms until you find yourself out in the cold, and reaching for that ex.

Any signs you'd like to share? Drop a comment. XOXO

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