Thursday, August 29, 2013

Help! My Wife Won't Have Sex With ME!

Recently a husband complained about his wife of three years, he says.

*"She used to be somewhat of a Duracell bunny -always "hot" but all of a sudden she is the complete opposite. She is still in her twenties so there's no question of menopause, we have a child and we are comfortable. We were intimate once in January but nothing since then. 

We had some issues in the past, that even became physical, I regret hitting her, I lost control, but I have turned a new leaf and things have been ok, so why would she still be sexually unresponsive? I trust my wife and I know she is not having an affair. I don't want to have an affair but she is pushing me to consider my options"

Firstly,she is not pushing you to have an affair she is "pushing" you to consider what is wrong with your marriage.If you choose to have an affair that will mean you interpreted this problem from a totally selfish standpoint. 

That said, sex should never be used as a weapon but there must be a lot going on in her mind. Let me tell you a few things

  • A woman's mind is deeper than a well, she just cant imagine herself doing something with someone she isn't connecting with. That could be as a result of the arguments. This type of stonewalling might emanate from unforgiveness inside inside her she can't get over some of the stuff that has been had said/done.There are probably many lingering emotional scars from their previous fights. She no longer feels loved and the fact that these fights became physical means she might have felt a loss of personal dignity that she is trying to retain by withholding physical intimacy. 
  • If a woman feels her person and emotions are always protected she will let herself go but if she does not feel SAFE in anyway it will manifest in various ways. I suspect that is what might be happening here. 
  • It is also possible that the child has been draining all her energy, I have a toddler and I know how they can be. Sex definitely reduces post-birth, hormonal changes after childbirth might also contribute to her not being so "hot" for you but that can be overcome also. 

I think you might have to make a conscious effort to start being more caring and loving, make her happy and relaxed, then get her into a CONVERSATION, not an ARGUMENT, have a deep heart felt talk, before introducing the issue of sexual intimacy.

Marriage has it's ups and downs but those with fear of God stand the test of time. Don't embark on an affair, pray for her and then have an intimate discussion. You will certainly get to the root of it,




By Ijeoma Olujekun


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*Shared with permission

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