Tuesday, August 27, 2013

6 Questions For Those Of You In long Term Relationships

There comes a time in your life when you think you have found the “one” or so you thought that was the “one”. You’ve done memorable things together, created a "whole world" together. You’ve shared your dreams and your future. It feels like you’ve become one.

 I've met people who tell me they have been in their relationship for 5 years some for seven and sometimes ten. I often find that if you ask each of them independently why there has been no formal commitment the answer from the girl will be different from the answer received from the guy...

To reduce this confusion, here are 6 questions you might like to ask yourself about that long term relationship of yours.

1. If God or someone you respect told you it was OK to leave your relationship, would you feel relieved that you could finally leave? I have heard men say a respected religious leader told them "this is your wife". If your religion is the only reason you’re still together, your relationship is already long dead.  Living together physically but not in your heart is self-torture and isn’t going to please or impress God anyway, nor is it likely to fool anyone else around you. Leave the hypocrisy behind, and take off.

2.  Are you able to get your needs met in the relationship without too much difficulty? If it takes too much effort to get your needs met, then your relationship is doing you more harm than good. Leave.

3.  Do you genuinely like your partner, and does your partner seem to genuinely like you? *Note the use of the word like and not love.If you don’t mutually like each other, you don’t belong together. 

4.  Do you and your partner have mutual goals and dreams for your future together? If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off.

5.  Does your partner exhibit any behavior that makes the relationship too difficult for you to stay in, and do you find your partner is either unwilling or incapable of changing? Results matter far more than intentions. If your partner behaves in a way that’s intolerable to you, then permanent change is a must, or you need to leave.

6. Do you feel a unique sexual attraction to your partner? Yes. I know you are Christians and you are made of flesh and blood. If there’s no spark, there’s something wrong. Especially for men but for women this is true also,  there should be an attraction.

The answers to these questions may convince you that your relationship is indeed too good to leave. At the very least, you should be happier in the relationship than outside it. Sorry if I come across as a one of those "smug married people" but allow me to add that you should not confuse the question of whether or not you should leave your current relationship with how you might find a new relationship.

By Ijeoma Olujekun

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