Saturday, March 7, 2015

Fidelity is a Personal Responsibility

Ah... Fidelity. The word most people jump to defend but fail to meet up with in their actions. Of course fidelity is a big issue in relationships these days. With so many girls making themselves readily available like popcorn (like my friend would say), men complain they struggle to stay faithful because there is just so much to choose from. Women ascribe other factors to their unfaithfulness; they don't get enough attention, or enough money or both. Whatever the case, there is a guilt game that is sometime played between couples, making the innocent party feel guilty for the infidel.

I was chatting with my buddy a couple of days ago, and she mentioned she just hired a nanny- a twenty something year old lady who helped with the house chores as well. Great news! I thought, until she mentioned that some people were badgering her about hiring a twenty-something when she could have hired a much older, less attractive woman to do the same chores. We spoke about the issue of infidelity for a while and we came to the conclusion that infidelity is a personal responsibility.

Almost every time I'm on the internet doing some reading, there's a woman lamenting about her husband's infidelity, his failure to keep it in his pants, and the fact that the person is cheating with is either her sister or her little cousin from the village, or her friend, or her neighbor...basically every woman she has a connection with is a threat to her marriage so the best bet is to cut all ties with those women to save her marriage. Sometimes, in spite of these well thought-out efforts, the 'strange woman' creeps into the picture and she finds herself with quite a debacle on her hands.

It is not your responsibility to keep your partner faithful, except of course you've married someone that ought to be your child and not your partner. As two consenting adults willingly going into a committed relationship, it should be enough that you are upholding your end of the bargain (for lack of a better phrase). Your partner should not expect you to resort to various antics, or avoid important friendships, all for the sake of keeping him or her faithful. That should be their personal responsibility. Going out of your way to ensure your partner does not succumb to infidelity can only be effective for so long. Will you always be with your partner 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Will you always screen the people he or she speaks to? 

Besides the huge impossibility of achieving 100% success in this issue of fidelity, taking it upon yourself to ensure your partner doesn't falter suggests that the relationship is more important to you than to your partner, which may make you willing to accept the blame for him or her cheating. Don't! Infidelity is not just an act of the moment, it is a choice that builds up from many unchecked acts. The only person who can check those acts or advances is your partner, not you! XOXO

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