Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Money and Masculinity: Correcting the misconception

There is a general notion that women are simply after money and nothing more. If a man's wallet is fat enough, nothing else  should bother a woman that's lucky to find such a man. Wherever this notion may have come from, it has resulted in many men believing in the power of money much more than they do in the power of respect and love. Comedians stand on stages most times and joke about how men can misbehave as long as they are making enough money. Many men, who are comfortable enough to afford their lifestyle and save a little bit often believe they ought to be in control simply because they have the money and well, can pick up any other girl.

I have a problem with the troubling relationship we as a society have ascribed to masculinity and wealth. There is no denying the fact that some women want all things plastic, all things shiny, and they wouldn't care if their spouse walked on his head and grew a tail. But of course, any good man who's seeking a woman of substance would not entertain 'wallet devourers' as I like to call them. 

How does this relationship between masculinity and money affect relationships you might ask. I have a few pointers: 

Firstly, it builds a society filled with insecure men. The truth is that not every man out there will become a billionaire early in life or ever at all. This is not to say that these men will not be comfortable in their lifestyles, but it will become a problem if they meet women who earn more than they do. It's not a hypothesis; it is very common in society. many men are insecure about their wives working, developing themselves or earning more money. This is because they have ascribed money to masculinity and therefore believe a woman with earning power emasculates them. Of course this is due to a foundation of archaic thoughts that paint women as objects to be collected and ruled, but that's a topic for another day. These days, I see a lot of men with all the fancy things money can buy, yet the moment you put a well-read woman next to them, you'd swear they've been attacked by a swarm of bees.

Secondly, it causes men to avoid their real responsibilities. A man's duty is not solely to provide and protect as many men believe. There is a lot more that goes into being a man, getting married and starting a family. It's not enough to leave your family enough money everyday. Your sons need more than your money; they need your character-building lessons, they need your advice, your rules about life, and your co-operation in helping them become men worthy of emulating. Your daughters need your attention, and your care, to show them how they ought to be treated by men so no Tom, Dick or Harry shows up and takes advantage of them. It is no surprise that we constantly have to deal with so many broken people in society. Broken men break unsuspecting women in the process of trying to find their fathers between women's legs, and of course, many young ladies have what we have termed 'daddy issues'.

A strong focus on money in your relationship often leads to the elimination of respect. Money can give power, there is no doubt about that. And where power resides, there is control. Where there is control, there is no respect, and that is where the problem comes in. Many men want to make more money, not to better the lives of those who look up to and depend on them, but because they fantasize about control, and can't wait to act out their disturbing fantasies. This explains why many women have puffy eyes in their marriages and wet pillows on the beds they sleep alone. 

This is not to say money is not important; being poor is not anyone's desire. The important message here is to realize that money in all its glory and importance, should not be higher on your priority list than the love you have for your partner, your responsibilities (outside financial issues) that you owe your partner, and your character. Don't let money control your character, instead let  money work for you to make your relationship more enjoyable. Don't be so blinded by your money chase, that you fail to see the flaws in your character. Don't make money the focus for driving your relationship. It is a huge misconception that women are only after money and nothing else. A good woman wants your respect, your love and your ability to take responsibility without being told. Money is not equal to masculinity. Don't be fooled. XOXO

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