Friday, March 13, 2015

When A Loved One Betrays You

Disappointment and betrayal always wear a familiar face because you can’t be disappointed without investing some emotions. It even hurts deeper when the person that erred is someone very close like one’s spouse, child, uncle or a very close family friend. A woman shared a story of how her under aged child was made to send nude and inappropriate pictures to a family friend whom they later discovered was involved in child pornography. Can you imagine how heartbroken she must have felt having left her child in the family friend’s care many times?

Another person shared a story of how she walked in on her husband while he was on top of their underaged house maid. How does one handle the discovery that one’s husband is both a cheat and a paedophile? How do people in such situations rise above it? My mum had this friend she trusted so much till she got backstabbed by her. She lost lots of money and I could remember how she would sit still while taking very deep breaths and most times she was lost in thoughts. She later said she found it hard to believe her friend could be so callous not to care about the trust she had invested in her.

I have seen over the years that only those close to us are capable of hurting us deeply. Should we now withdraw into ourselves and exist solely on our own island shutting out every form of dependence? Is that even possible? How does one love again after one’s heart was terribly shattered? How does one embrace a new friend after a terrible betrayal? How does one mend a relationship that has become marred by a repulsive action of extreme indiscretion?

Don’t live in denial. Don’t try to shut the pain out by picking up any form of habit. Admit and acknowledge the situation. If you want to cry, please do that. Tears can be deeply satisfying at times. It is just very important for you not to lock the pain up in a place where it could come back to haunt and hurt you even deeper.

You are not alone .You must feel really vulnerable at the moment. It really might feel like you are the only one but believe me you are not. There are many other people hurting while that might not comfort you, it just helps to know the problem is not about you. It is something wrong about the human nature and you will get through just fine.

Above all things, you need to be ready to forgive. I know it is hard and it is better said than done but for your sake, you need to let go. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting about the betrayal immediately. It is that gradual cleansing of the soul from all kinds of bitterness the betrayal might have caused.  You just need to let go of the hurt no matter how deep. This doesn’t happen in a flash but if you don’t start you might never get to it.

Bring it to God in Prayer. You will be surprised just how attentive God is. He loves you too much to want to see you hurt. He understands just how deeply you hurt. Pour it out to him. Release yourself and allow him to fix you. Find that inner peace by conversing with him. I know this works because I have done it several times.

Also bear in mind that it is not the end of the world although it might seem like it. This might sound cliché but it is the truth. It gets very dark just before the day breaks and like the sun you will rise above this one. Your heart will become strong again to love and trust.

Don't shut everyone out. An African proverb says if you shut your eyes because you don't want to behold an evil person, you wouldn't know when a good person will pass you by.

Stay strong champ.

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